a reluctant sun


As I came back into consciousness from a welcome sleep, I encountered an odd sensation. More than a friction, or hesitation, or ambivalence, it was a deep reluctance. A refusal even. A no.

'No' my consciousness said 'I really do not want to awaken into this reality.' It was revealing - A slippery moment that revealed the curious incongruences of 'me'.

There was the me that didn't want the life of me. There was the sleeping and awakening me - the receiving me that also understood why that might the case, compassionate even of the predicament. And then there was the me as a witness, experiencing both - a meta me.

I carry a memory of this triangular encounter.